Race in America…
This subject is emotionally charged, complex, and heartbreaking.
I understand and recognize many of my white family and friends are upset, frustrated or even hurt by my recent post and strong words.
Original Social Media Post, September 2020:
For those of you whom I’ve connected with, thank you for coming to me with your sadness, vulnerability, and boldness. I greatly appreciate the chance to openly communicate with you. I understand what you are saying, and I truly hear you. I have had a lot of dialogue about the post and would like the opportunity to expand my thoughts with any of you who are interested.
My thoughts are layered so I’ll do the best I can to expand on my original post.
I do not believe getting loud on social media is the only way or even the right way for everyone. I am not passing judgment on anyone for deciding not to post on social media (nor do I think I have inferred silence is linked to social media). I realize people can feel judged especially since my energy and intensity can be either fighting or off-putting. Please know, my speaking up and loud in this regard is not a judgment––I am calling for justice. Let’s not confuse justice with judgement.
I am speaking to the group of white family and friends in our life who continue to deny, justify, defend, or flat out ignore systemic racism and our role as white Americans in it. Sadly, this group is quite large in context. I am not addressing family and friends who are taking action in one way or another to address systemic racism. My intention is to light a fire for others to become aware, educated, and engaged in transforming our country so that my daughters might enjoy the same equity, justice, and privilege that Sam, our sons, many of your family members and I benefit from.
I understand there are so many injustices in our world it would be impossible to address them all in a billion lifetimes. Each of us typically gets involved with injustices that we are individually connected to in one way or another. Here’s the thing though––
the construct of whiteness was created in the late seventeenth century and institutionalized. As a result, perhaps unlike other horrific injustices, every white American is connected to it, benefits from it, and is responsible for dismantling it.
Excusing oneself from anti-racism work on the basis of claiming to fight for other just causes is not only willfully ignorant to our connection and responsibility in systemic racism – it perpetuates violence against my children. I am not asking or inferring anyone needs to become an activist or freedom fighter (although I’d love company here!) I am imploring, begging even, my white community to stop excusing ourselves and to see our role and responsibility as white Americans to be part of the conversation and solution. I am asking for each of us to look for unique ways we can participate in dismantling the racism embedded in our system at any level (large or small.)
I am asking every white friend and family member to interrogate the ways each of us are socialized into systemic racism.
The quality and continuance of my daughters’ lives depends on white communities getting curious about racial injustices along with our role and responsibility in addressing it. I am asking each of us to listen and learn about anti-racism in one way, shape, or form. I am not asking anyone to do it “my” way (God help us all if it were a world of Shaleen’s – I personally wouldn’t even want to live in that world).
I am not asking for conformity or unilateral agreement. I truly welcome disagreement in how to engage in this work, data, or actions to take. However, I am up against a flat-out denial in our white community.
When white Americans continuing to remain ignorant, complacent, and silent in regard to systemic racial injustices, our reticence as a white community serves as violence against my babies.
My words are chosen carefully in this post. When I say “Do not hug them again. Do not say ‘I love you’ WHILE you turn your back on them in silence, complacency or ignorance…” I am speaking to tokenization.
Hugging my daughters & telling them “I love you” while refusing to confront the construct of whiteness and systemic racism in our country tokenizes them.
Proximity and affection for Black people is NOT the equivalent of anti-racism.
I was blind to the way I had tokenized my own children for years assuming myself “not racist.” I love people of color and especially love my daughters, of course i’m “not racist”. Sadly, by seeing myself as “not racist” I assumed I was not a part of the problem in our country and, therefore, I was not a part of the solution. It was not until I better understood the term “racist” and engaged anti-racism work that I have become an ally.
The words in my original post were designed for each reader to ask themselves the question: Can her words be applied to me?
When a reader answers this provocative question in clear and actionable ways, they work to become aware and hopefully confront their role in systemic racism. Even if that answer is as small as curiosity asking IF or HOW? In the words of my friend and author of Good White Racist, “this is an invitation to discomfort, which is a natural reaction when we awaken to our own complicity.”
However, suppose my white friends and family cannot or will not answer that question with clear intentions regarding anti-racism work (whatever form it takes in their life)—then yes. In that case, I am directly addressing that relationship in my life, and am prepared to set relational boundaries with them regarding my daughters. Tokenizing my children will not happen on my watch – I love them too much, and I know you do as well (…and I’m balling my eyes out even writing this, I can hardly see through my tears)
I hope to catch the attention of every family, friend, and acquaintance I have – because my daughter’s lives depend on it. Our family must move past the first dictionary definition of racism, which states, racism is the “belief that race is a fundamental determinant of human traits and capacities and that racial differences produce an inherent superiority of a particular race.”
This flat definition keeps us stuck and offers an excuse not to engage our socialization or systems. More often than not, when I speak of racism, I am not speaking of this first definition of racism, nor am I addressing or attacking your moral character. Sam and I need to address these issues not just with other, but in ourselves as well. We too have internalized racism we need to confront and dismantle. Our love and proximity to our daughters does not exempt us from doing our own internal racialized work.
Our community must begin to understand the layered definition of racism which states:
Racism is not only prejudice against a certain race due to the color of a person’s skin, as it states in your dictionary. It is both prejudices combined with social and institutional power. It is a system of advantage based on skin color. (NYT article on updating the Webster’s Dictionary definition)
Every white body in America benefits from a system that was written and created by whites for the benefit of white bodies. As a result, every white body in America is responsible at some level for addressing the system we live in.
I believe and have experienced that when we listen, learn, and participate in self-reflection it allows us to understand systemic racism better and stop hiding behind our “offense” at being associated with racism. We begin to see racism is not just personal but systemic.
We start to understand how every white American has some role to play in confronting systemic racism (in your way, not mine). From a place of understanding, we will find ways to identify and dismantle racial injustices in our lives and communities to co-create a more beautiful, just, and equitable world for all humankind––especially Black and Brown bodies.
If we do not address this system, my children will suffer in ways your children will not.
My great hope is you all would continue to passionately love my children and that your passion and love for them would move you to engage anti-racism work in your own unique way so they may grow up and enjoy our country in a similar way your families do.
CALL TO ACTION:
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Sign up Desert Voices Workshop: Confronting Our Roll in Racial Injustices with Kerry Connelly
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TOMORROW NIGHT (October 22nd, 2020) – Thursday, 7 pm AZ Time
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Seek out education––But do so with the attitude to learn, not defend yourself.
RESOURCE: CONSTRUCT OF WHITENESS: “It was only in the late seventeenth century that white Americans began in earnest to formalize a culture of white-body supremacy in order to soothe the dissonance that existed between more powerful and less powerful white bodies; to blow centuries of white-on-white trauma through millions of Black and red bodies; and to attempt to colonize the minds of people of all colors. The concept of “the Negro” was created to help white Americans deal with the hatred and brutality that they and their ancestors had themselves experienced for many generations at the hands of more powerful white bodies. The phantasm of race was conjured to help white people manage their fear and hatred of other white people. In the next chapter, we’ll look more closely at how these efforts were strategically and systematically carried out.”
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Resmaa Menakem, MSW, LICSW. My Grandmother’s Hands (p. 63). Central Recovery Press, LLC. Kindle Edition.
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ORIGINAL POST:
I am ENRAGED🔥
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I am turning my rage into action today, Desert Voices is hosting a workshop: Confronting Our Role in Racial Injustices
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Facilitated by Kerry Connelly on October 22 at 7pm MST
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When I read there has been NO justice or accountability for police officers in Breonna Taylor’s murder – at the very least manslaughter…I see my daughters faces.
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As I pick out my baby’s hawk today I see Breonnas family in my minds eye. The grief, rage, and pain at our country.
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Aside from a few of you … in general my white family & friends are SILENT in matters of racial injustice
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So many of you say you love my daughters…
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Would you remain silent if one of them were murdered in their home?
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Would you stay silent as the men who shot her go free?
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Would you tell me as her mother to “trust our system” to deliver justice to my Black daughter?
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Would you cry with me and rally to my side action?
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Or would you go on with your day as I wept … as if nothing happened?
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I don’t know what to do exactly…but God help us ALL Silence is not the way here!🔥
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Find a way to reform our “justice” system! Find a way to create a world where my daughters lives – EVERY BLACK LIFE – matters to you in real time, in a real way.
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Do not hug them again, Do not say “I love you” WHILE you turn your back on them in SILENCE, Complacency or Ignorance refusing to fight for equity and justice on their behalf.
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Love without ACTION is nothing more than a performance. 💔
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My daughter’s don’t need your performative love…
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THEY NEED YOUR ANGER 😡
THEY NEED YOUR VOICE 🗣
THEY NEED YOUR ACTION 🔥
PLEASE NOTE: I have also participated in systemic racial injustice. A huge part of my own work is waking up, confronting and dismantling racism in my own life and our adoption journeys. I have written an essay on my personal role in racial injustice and will publish it. I am not excused from racism by proxy. Proximity to Black people, including my own children, is NOT the equivalent of doing your work.
